Growing Pains
As we come to the close of another year, I find myself reflecting back on what this year has meant. To many of us, it has meant a change in scenery - we have changed jobs, changed our address, or moved on. To others, it has meant a year of pain - going through physical ailments, losing a loved one, or moving on in a relationship. Even folks who are still in the same job, with the same family situation, may look back on 2002 and realize how many things have changed for them. In fact, the only thing that is predictable, from year to year, is change.
Change by its very nature is somewhat unsettling. One of the new TV shows debuting this year has a theme of redoing the past - a 34 year old man suddenly wakes up and is back in high school. He has not lost his memory, so he now knows how to act, what to do, etc. Given this chance, would any of us turn it down?
Surprisingly, many people say that, upon reflection, they would not go back and relive their lives knowing what they know now. They also feel that, if presented with a book of their life, they would not ‘peek’ at the last page to find out how their life story ends. Why? Perhaps it is because we instinctively know that sometimes it is only through pain that we grow. Although none of us willingly look for pain as a growth mechanism, we have learned as adults that pain often accompanies life’s lessons. This pain can be physical, or emotional, or both. In fact, one type of pain often leads to another - there are numerous accounts of people who are under severe emotional distress feeling physical symptoms of this angst, and vice versa.
Why talk about this? I recently was faced with making a decision that I knew would be painful. I was asked to accept an assignment that I did not want to do. I knew it was the ‘right’ thing to do, but I prayed that someone else would be asked to do this assignment instead of me. It would be hard (and it turned out to be harder than I even anticipated), it would be time-consuming (and as a consultant, my volunteer time is time that I am not earning money, so volunteering is, for me, also a financial consideration), and it would be personally upsetting to me. Yet when faced with the request to help, I found that I could not in good conscience turn it down.
The decision to accept this assignment was respected by my family and friends, but not well understood. I heard many comments from well-meaning friends who would say, “If this is so upsetting to you, WHY did you accept it?” “Can’t you just go back and say you’re too busy to do this right now?” “You’re doing this for free, right? So just gracefully back out.” “You have other strengths that could be useful to the Society - why not just donate that time and talent instead of doing something you don’t want to?” And perhaps, in my younger, more self-centered days, I would have. I would have backed out, I would have gracefully declined, I would have suggested other places to volunteer. But as an adult, who tries to learn from each bump in the road, I knew that someone would have to do this job, and folks ‘in the know’ thought that I had the skills to do it. So I accepted the assignment (and I wasn’t alone in accepting - several people would be working together, and we each had to make our own decision on whether to accept or not). My family had to contend once again with me locked away in my study on nights and weekends, coming out to growl or grumble or sulk (because I didn’t talk about the assignment to them, they just saw - and felt - the effects it was having on me).
But when all is said and done, knowing what I know now, if I had the chance to turn back time and refuse the assignment, would I? No, I would still accept. Because that’s what we have to do as adults - make the hard decisions, live with the consequences, and sometimes make up our minds to do what’s right instead of what’s easy.
When you reflect back on 2002, look at the times that you decided to do the right thing instead of the easy thing, and congratulate yourself for doing so. You may be the unsung hero, the only one who knows what you did, but that makes it no less impressive. So, as long as you’ve pleased the person facing you in the mirror, you’ve made the right choice for you.
As always, my good thoughts and wishes are with you and your loved ones as we enter the holiday season. Stay happy, be healthy, and we’ll chat again in 2003.
Please feel free to contact me at ISOQSinc@aol.com.
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